A lot of activity happened in the hometown this past weekend begining Aug 1st thru the 3rd.  There were several family reunions, a school reunion, and a street festival to name of few.  Since my little woman's illness I do not have a social life and don't get to go out to these types of events.  I am surprised at how lonely I have been feeling about missing all the activities that went on.  I don't think that I would have minded so much if I did not view all the Facebook posts that were being shared by those in attendance.  I have come to the realization that life is passing me by.  I have missed so much in life but I pray my reward will be given on Judgement day for I do not regret being blessed to have given birth to such a beautiful and special woman.  I am needed here and yet there is an emptiness that I can't seem to fill right now.

Another Year!

Another year has passed.  It has been an interesting one at best.  I lost my lovely four legged fury child after 17 wonderful years with him.  I'm divorced as of January 28, 2013 after 21 years of marriage.  Ironically if he had not signed off on the divorce I would have ended up being a widower in July 2013. And, I found out the health crisis that my beloved child has been experiencing for the past 3 years she will eventually succumb to.  That has and still is the hardest thing for me to deal with.  I have given up my life to care for her for 31 years now due to her handicap and I am so broken by this life challenge.  But God reminded me that I have always said that I wanted her to go before me.  I just cannot imagine leaving this life and leaving her behind without me.  I just fear that someone would harm her and not love her the way I do but even that does not comfort me right now.

Her father, my 1st husband, is no longer with us and somedays I just wish that he was around to care for her so that I would have some time for me for a week at a time.  Just me!  I have no friends and have not felt the comfort of a man for over nine (9) years now. Since men are so selfish and would require more of my time than I'm prepard to give right now it looks like I'll not experience the feel of another man and will be going to my grave single.

It is the wish and my prayer to have a windfall of money so I can retire from work and stay home fulltime with my little woman until the end.  I pray that she does not suffer and will go peacefully and that I do not have to watch her suffer.  God be ever so merciful.  Continue to guide my steps, the shoulder I can lean and cry on.

Until later.....hope it's not another year.  Need an outlet!

Take Me to the King/I Surrender All - Tamela Mann

Joosee sings Amy Winehouse-Unholy War

My Niece

Ms. Nakia Risby

aka Joosee

What a beautiful Voice.

My Best Friend. Loved him sooooo much!!

It has been a terrible week for me.  After 17 1/2 wonderful years this little guy said good bye.  OH how I miss you sooo much boo.  You are/were one of the few joys I had in my life and now that you are gone I feel even more alone.  I know it was time but the pain and sorrow at your passing has been hard for me.  I cried so hard and for so long that i did not know If I could mourn you any harder than I did.

I love you soo much.  Thank you for being a part of my life!!

.

Another year has passed. Well actually I last posted in September of 2011. Gained back a little weight. Can't/won't say how much right now. Not too terribly dissapointed though. Wanted to give a shout out to my sister Danielle Risby who passed away in 2004. She would have turned 51 yesterday 02/13/12. And although it has been 8 years since Donnie's passing I ache at the thought of her having to leave her daughter Ashley Guyse, sons Timothy Guyse and Damion Guyse behind. How she will not get to see her grandchildren grow up and see who they will become. She is missed by so many and I know we will all cherish her memory. Love you sister. As as you are comforted by our Lord and savior I pray that you will watch over us all until we all can sit down at the table of our father and laugh at the good and bad times we shared together. We were not close, but the biggest regret that I have is not getting closer to her before she passed away. She made an effort to connect I think when she thought she would not survive her battle with breast cancer. I did not know that she was fighting this battle when she made the initial contact and when I knew it just wasn't enough time to repair our relationship, not that we ever really had one but the one that we had. Don't get me wrong I loved her. I think we just did not clearly understand one another. As the once rebel in the family, I am not really close to any of my siblings. There are seven of us and until my sister's passing i was the 2nd to the eldest of my mother's children.

Here we are in order of our births. Using our highschool graduation pictures. We are all much, much older now. Danielle has 3 children: two boys and a girls. I have one daughter, Kay has two boys and a girl, Marcia: two girls and a boy, James: one daughter, Marcus: two boys and a girls, Tiffany: none. So far Danielle, and Marcia have grandchildren. I will never have any. My beautiful woman was a true gift from GOD. Born blind, non-verbal and developmentally delayed having children is out of the question. I'm so OK with that. Not sure why I'm even sharing all this. I don't share my blog with anyone. Off sick today. Hear the little woman stiring now we are in the evening hour now. Time to get her dinner.

An awful pattern

I seem to only update my blog once a year. Still cant say if I'll do any better. CONGRATULATIONS TO ME. LOST 33 POUNDS. A long hard fight and still have a long way to go. Getting there.